and then i [finally] wasn't pregnant anymore

                                               

It's amazing to me (now that I'm over the hurdle, anyway), how quickly one can change from being miserably huge and pregnant to overjoyed and so full of love for a new little person. After being in labor for weeks, trying everything I could to make labor progress and failing in my attempts, I felt so awful, not able to eat or sleep anymore, that my favorite midwife, Joy said at my impromptu appointment, "I just think you'll feel so much better if you can have this baby." So after not too long talking to her about induction and Jon and I talking together, everything fell into place for little boy number 2 to come to us that very day, 3 weeks ago yesterday. 

We headed from the midwife's office over to the hospital next door where I checked in as the second labor and delivery patient for the day. The nurse got us settled into our room and inserted the IV to start pitocin around 4:30 pm. For the next two hours, even as the drug increased, my contractions felt so minimal that I knew I really had been in labor for at least a month. Add that to being pregnant 3 weeks longer than I was with Emory, and I felt justified in my misery. At 6:30 pm Joy came in to break my water, and I moved to the birthing ball from where for the next hour and a half, I watched Alias with Jon by my side or behind me, rubbing my back as my contractions increased. Around 8 pm I moved to the shower/tub where I used warm water on my abdomen and counter pressure on my back from a loving husband to make it through the next almost two hours. When I finally moved back to the bed to be checked, Joy told me I could push, and I felt so relieved that my body worked so quickly this time (thank goodness for zumba and being in such god shape) --even more relieved that after maybe 10 pushes she said she could see his head and it would just take a couple more to birth him and meet our second little boy. 

He came out pink and perfect, 8 pounds even and 19 1/4 inches long, with a head of dark hair, and I couldn't get over how much more I loved this birth experience than my last. The extra 3 weeks of pregnancy feel worth every bit, knowing I got a good 2 1/2 hours of skin to skin time after birth, followed by breastfeeding, and our little boy stayed with us in our room the entire time. Sharing those few quiet hours of bonding with this baby has created a lasting effect that I didn't know I missed so much with Emory. (Of course I felt bonded with him as well, but it's truly amazing to feel how well Penn and I know each other based on the closeness we had). I feel so great after giving birth that I get a surge of energy, and that energy kept me awake, listening to Jon's snores and baby's breathing, trying to imagine his name. We couldn't pinpoint the reason, but he really didn't look like a Jude, and we had no other ideas we could agree on at that point. 

The following morning we learned the full moon invited a packed L/D unit, so the staff us to a different floor for the rest of the day. My mom and sisters came for a visit, and Kendal and Amber stayed a while to help us find a name for the little guy. When Kendal suggested Penn, she referenced tennis, but I remembered that it was one of the only names I liked when we searched boy name lists months before. So Jon chose Emory's first name and I chose his middle name; I chose Penn's first name (with Kendal's help), and Jon chose his middle name. The rest of the day remained pretty relaxed--Jon Sr., Joy, and Nanny brought Emory, and despite the little man's apprehensions, he warmed up to Penn quickly and loved his little brother from the beginning. We fell in and out of sleep throughout the afternoon, shared the last of my room service, and my mom and Kenny came back to help for our discharge from the hospital around 5 or 5:30 pm. We left ready to go home with our new babe and rejoin with Emory.

We always had such fond feelings for the hospital where Emory was born, mostly due to the wonderful care he received in the NICU. I now have the same feelings towards Providence in Everett, but this time it's thanks to such a positive experience all throughout my pregnancy, as well as labor, delivery, and recovery. I love my midwife Joy, and so appreciate my nurse, Lisa as well. During labor, they helped keep the room peaceful and comfortable, with just the right amount of sense of humor. I'm almost sad to not be pregnant any longer, just to not get to visit with the midwives any more. Driving to Everett now means more than going to visit my family--it means going back to where Penn came to us for the first time. 

   

love.

These past couple weeks I've been thinking about how much fun I've been having with Emory and almost wishing that I could freeze time in this stage. He's oozing with personality these days, and I can't help but be proud of all the growing up that's going on around here. 

hands in pockets. skinny neck.

eating olives off his fingers. first oreo cookie.

begging to stop at the park when we drive by. starting to love coloring and requesting certain pictures to be drawn or sculpted--he's recently discovered play dough (tractors and planes mostly)

the only description needed here is that this photo was shot moments before his first successful you-know-what. and might I add his first time actually sitting on the pot.

watching car shows with the Beutler guys. and making up steering wheels. (he's getting really into pretending and it's fun to see his creativity)

 actually enjoying nursery (cue the hallelujah chorus), leaning on his elbow while waiting for snack time. and I just need to add that this kid is a dreamboat when I take him with me to zumba. he sits quietly on the couch, watching us dance and contentedly playing with toys and eating snacks. 

 becoming assertive about when he really wants to be held before sleep. a couple weeks ago, E went through a stage of really wanting to be rocked so I indulged him most days at naptime, singing songs while he fell asleep in my arms, and Jon got to hold him the other night while sleeping for the first time in about a year. there are definite perks to motherhood that I hope to never forget.

just tonight, taking his suitcase of cars and legos to go play with "Nana" and "Nunu"

I love Emory's little voice and his talking. I feel like we have our own language sometimes, realizing that when he says "go Ra-Ra" he means he wants to go see Lara, one of my zumba instructor friends, and I say back "we'll go to zumba in the morning," to which he replies, "dzumba," meaning he wants to go in the car. Sentences usually come out with an "I" or "go" to start, like "I go" (used for so many purposes), "I eat," "I ow," "go Nunu," "go Da-ee" (daddy comes out with a funny guttural stop these days), and so on. One of his favorite things to say, and one of my favorites to hear is how he says TV. It comes out more like "teebwee" and he waits for me to say "no" with an eskimo kiss. Nanny comes out like "Ninny," Nana sounds clear as day, Grandma is "Grumaamaa" and Paisley has shortened from "Tzeetzee" to simply "Tzeez." And I don't think there is a better sound than when he uses my name purposefully. I love love love these conversations we have, and what can I say, I adore my kid.

He runs fast; he plays hard; he zooms around the house, quite skillfully maneuvering his little leg-powered car; his favorite moments are when we let him "drive" us to and from our house (all within a few acres on our private road and at 5 mph, mind you); he picks through his snacks to find the chocolate bunny grahams; he relates stories using huge gestures and amazing facial expressions; he refers to all letters as Es and all numbers as 2s; and he loves to play "Emory says," an after-dinner game of gestures more than words similar to Simon Says. 


Seriously, being a parent is amazing. The primary presented their program to our ward today and on the front of the bulletin was this quote by Gordon B. Hinkley:

"Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquished His parental rights or interest in these little ones. Now, love them, take care of them. Fathers, control your tempers, now and in all the years to come. Mothers, control your voices, keep them down. Rear your children in love, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Take care of your little ones, welcome them into your homes and nurture and love them with all of your hearts. They may do, in the years that come, some things you would no want them to do, but be patient. You have not failed as long as you have tried."

I feel very blessed to have Emory Shawn.

summertime sickies

Emory and I got sick out of nowhere the other day, and yesterday, we spent the day lazing on my bed, watching Cars, chatting, and whatnot. I think he kind of soaked up his sick day to be honest. I'm feeling a little better today, which is good because I hope he's feeling better too, since his birthday is tomorrow and we have big plans to go to Jetty Island in the morning, pre-nap and have a family party in the evening, post-nap. Anyway, we took a few sick pictures together yesterday, Emory's exposed belly and all.

This last photo makes my heart so happy. Emory loves pillows, and he kicked back, arms behind his head, watching his movie. When I went to take a picture of him, he got too excited, watching his reflection in the computer, and took his arms out. Trying to recreate the pose, I told him to put them back behind his head, and this is what I got. Eddie, his puppy, behind his head (he likes to store things there) and his arms above his head. The delay in photobooth left only one arm hanging, but you get the idea.

And then he was so adorable that I had to break out the real camera, not just photobooth.

On the left, yesterday, and on the right today. Not much different other than the clothing and today it was The Adventures of Milo and Otis. All the essentials: Guillaume the giraffe, Eddie the puppy, a blankie, and some cars.

love.

It's such a rare occasion when Emory falls asleep on me these days. I'm so glad that I spend his infancy holding him through naps, soaking up every minute of one-child bliss with a sweet cuddly baby. Now that he's so busy, it's hard for him to take the time to slow down and snuggle. However, last night after we put the little man to bed, I heard him still talking (which is rare) and went in to find him chattering about the ferrari poster on the wall. So I picked him up and rocked him and sang to him and he actually fell asleep in my arms, and then with a little bit of sadness, laid him back down in his crib, asleep. The photo above is from a couple weeks ago during one of the 5 or so times he's fallen asleep in my arms in the past 7 months. No matter what kind of toddlerhood day we've had, I still feel like Emory is a baby when he sleeps. Those quiet moments when I feel his weight on me and hear his breathing (and sometimes snoring) are so precious.

on toddlerhood

Emory is 19 months old today. And I'm not going to lie, 18 months was kind of a hard month for us. My mom tells me all the time how much she loves toddlers, and last week, I looked at her incredulously as she said it again and asked "so, you loved parenting toddlers?" to which she said that she did. Over the past month, Emory and I have learned together, and we're developing communication and discipline methods that work for us. And I am striving to find joy in every stage of his life. And I do, I promise.

I can't help but stare at these photos and wonder that he is really my child. Emory is so handsome, and looked especially dapper today in his green sweater. Sometimes I look at him and can't figure out if he resembles Jon or me, but in these photos, the little man reminds me so much of his daddy in photos from about this age. Truthfully, Emory is so much fun at this stage of life, all stubbornness and frustrations aside. He is such a sponge right now, and on the one hand, I am so proud when he imitates positive attributes and actions and on the other hand, I am mortified when he imitates things he sees that he shouldn't. I am so grateful that my child is bright and driven and opinionated--all attributes that add to a colorful life. Lately, Emory is obsessed with cars. Obsessed. Today Jon Sr. mentioned that Jon would get "hung up" on things as a child (for instance, he went through a stage of having to have keys with him at all times and the solution was to pin a set to his shirt so he wouldn't lose them and lose it as a result), and all I have to say is the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. To say that the little man is "hung up" on cars lately is a gross understatement. Because we don't yet have our entire dealership building to ourselves, we have several cars to add to the already existing Beutler and Fox fleets. If he could, Emory would spend all day hopping from one car to the next, driving each one to his heart's content, as long as the doors are closed. He spends all day with his collection of Hot Wheels stashed around the house, and the highlight of coming downstairs is the old playstation steering wheel that's attached to the coffee table for his indoor driving enjoyment. However, I'm thrilled that at his early age, I can determine that Emory is passionate. He is also very sweet, and mostly wants to please. He loves to hand us things (I think this started with unloading the silverware) and says "ahhhhhh" in a little sing-song voice so we know he is giving us something. And I'm proud to see my little boy loves to read so much that even before he goes for his cars in the morning, he wants to read at least 3 books. He naps well. He sleeps well at night. He's shy and still dependent on me (sometimes) and has even started to say "Mama" again after a long, 7-month break from the word.

I think that when I started thinking about what I wanted to say about toddlerhood, I felt so negative about how I was dealing with the frustrations I have felt over the past month. But as I write this, I realize how much Emory has progressed, just in the past week. As we learn together, I think I am learning the most. I am trying to let go and relax a little, and not expect so much of someone so tiny. The miracle is that as I do that, I really do love Emory more, become annoyed with him less, and celebrate his learning better. I'm a lucky mom.

today my baby turned 18 months old

I guess that means he's not quite a baby anymore. He is an adorable toddler, full of life and fun and intelligence and personality. Lately Emory is becoming more assertive with his opinions, and at times, it's an adventure trying to figure out just what he wants within his extremely specific desires, but I love that he has those desires and the fire within him to make them known in one way or another. He mimics everything we do: brushes his and our hair, washes his own body in the bath; copies signs for communication and songs (The Itsy Bitsy Spider and Head Shoulders, Knees, and Toes are big hits); directs music (on his own accord but to the beat, mostly) at church; dances on command, mostly to Justin Bieber, but what can we say, he's got catchy songs... Emory is also showing us more and more of what a sneaky comedian he can be. This side of him comes out mostly at the dinner table and when he should be napping but isn't. Most words he says have been shortened to one syllable without the ending consonant like "buh" for book, "da" for Dad, and "ber" for Amber. Oh, and every syllable ends in a dramatic up-speak tone. He also doesn't stop moving at all during awake times of the day, remaining busy, busy busy, mostly carrying small objects around the house. (He especially loves a couple of the refrigerator magnets). I love Emory so much, and I'm so happy to be his mother, even through all the new challenges every phase of his life brings. The joys and blessings I get just for knowing him are much greater than any struggles I have to endure.

Emory spent his day today a little sick with a cold, but so happy to play with Amber. He had to stay especially active since if he sat still, he would have fallen asleep. The little stinker, even sick and with tylenol in his system, didn't nap until we drove to Seattle at 4 pm, and because of the snow, our trip back made him get to bed late as well. At least he celebrated by going to Dick's for dinner and consuming an entire hamburger by himself, after hoards of snacks. When he's hungry, he's hungry.

I took these photos this afternoon, just before we headed out the door for Seattle, sleepy boy yawning and rubbing his tired eyes, but terrified to slow down and give in to sleep.

the big move: it happened

After living in chaos for a couple weeks, the hired movers (great decision) arrived around 10 am on the 16th to load the truck. Things remained chaotic until around the time my mom took Emory for a stroll around the store and I was really able to finish packing all the odds and ends left out of other boxes. Five or so hours and two packed full cars later, we left Utah.

By the time the movers rolled onto Camano Island on Saturday morning, I felt like we were old friends. Cheers to Al and Juan for being so great and patient with me, and for packing our storage unit so that we can walk all the way through, with prioritized boxes easily accessible.

During all the packing, I think I upset Emory for my lack of focus on him. So, for the past week or so, he prefers everyone but me--especially Jon. I'm not going to lie and say that it doesn't sting a little, but we're working it out and I think we're better friends this week. The little man is, as always, adorable, and he's such a sponge right now. Thankfully now he can learn more valuable things than how to pack a box or be immensely stressed.

And now, my focus is on family and Christmas. Finally! I hope to really relax and enjoy this week with those I love the most.

in need of a pick-me-up

This kid has been a challenge and a half for me this week, thinking he's done with naps at the ripe old age of not even 15 months. It's driving me crazy and has me thinking every day that I'm a terrible person for letting him spend hours upon hours of the day in his bed, trying to fall asleep and most often not succeeding. Or, in today's case, he fell asleep after 45 minutes of trying, only to sleep for 20 minutes and wake up screaming. All the stars were aligned for a good, long nap and it didn't happen. Emory ate a good breakfast, went on a not-too-cold run in the park (well, a stroller ride), came home and chased "Zee-Zee" (Paisley), played, had a good snack, actually consented to some snuggles, got dressed for the day, listened to two of his favorite books, etc., etc., etc.

What normally occurs is that the little man becomes such a sleep-deprived beast by late-afternoon or early-evening that he finally takes a nap a couple hours before bedtime (not at all the most convenient time) and then the cycle starts all over again the next day. What he doesn't know is that I'm devising an evil plan to keep him awake until an early bedtime tonight and then get up with him early enough tomorrow so he remembers at what time his nap is supposed to take place. Wish me luck.

(in these photos, he happens to be covered in lint from my weekend sewing project, and he looks like such a kid)

So, when Emory woke up cranky cranky cranky after 20 minutes today, I found myself wallowing in self-pity for the bajillionth time this week, wondering why my kid won't nap anymore. And then I remembered that I have a birthday gift I haven't put into use yet:

Isn't it gorgeous? Before Le Creuset existed Descoware, and Rachel, in her absolute thoughtfulness, along with Lee, gifted me with this true vintage, never-used gem. The truth is that I almost can't bear to use it and remove the original label. (It even came in its original box). But seriously, this beauty will be broken in really soon on some homemade French onion soup .

All of my gushing over my not-yet-used gift reminded me that I have something for you, dear friends. I've recently become acquainted with CSN online stores. They are a conglomeration of over 200 online stores selling everything from children's backbacks, to home improvment needs, to cookware. And I'm giving one lucky reader of my little blog a $35 gift code to use towards anything on the site. That's right, the fortunate soul who wins could even use that $35 towards purchasing a piece from the offspring of my beautiful, convertible Descoware. Or that money could be really useful for Christmas shopping, if you're like me and you have ideas but nothing yet purchased. To win, all you need to do is leave a comment on this post with advice to help me deal with my non-napping child or tell me what you'd like to purchase from CSN. I'll randomly choose a winner by Monday, November 22 at midnight. You have until then to comment... so tell all your friends and comment away!

bedtime last night

password: kisses

bedtime love from Meghan Beutler on Vimeo.

just for the record, the loves were so much sweeter (and voluntary) before the distraction of the camera